A PAGE O'PUNS

This one's supplied by Grant:

A drummer was dancing around, celebrating, when the guitarist comes in.
"What's up?"
"I just finished this jigsaw puzzle," the drummer replied. "It only took me six months!"
"That's not very good," said the guitarist. "Why are you so excited?"
"The box says two to six years."

"If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum."

What do you call a person who hangs around musicians a lot?
A drummer.

How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
The knocking gets faster. Slower. Faster...

Dan is throwing a party, and being a very intelligent guy decides that a good way to break the ice is to ask everyone what their I.Q. is, and then strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of Dan's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, he greets the person and asks them what their I.Q. is. "210." replies Jim, the first guest.
"Well, that's great," says Dan, let's talk about astrophysics.
Dan and Jim talk about quasar formations and gravitational lenses for a while. Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Dan; welcome to the party! What's your I.Q.?"
The new guest, Konrad, responds with "175".
"Great," says Dan. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and Konrad debate over the latest calculus theorems.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been engaged in lively conversation by Dan, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name's Dan; welcome to the party, what's your I.Q.?"
The guest replies after putting some thought into it, "ummm, 85?"
"Well, that's great," says Dan, "what kind of drumsticks do you use?"

How do you get a drummer to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."

At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"

"Bass solo."

One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer?"
"Beats me!"

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"